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Single On Purpose : Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First  – John Kim
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SINGLE ON PURPOSE : Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.

John Kim
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RM22.00

How To Prioritize Your Relationship With Yourself & Live A More Meaningful & Resilient Life, Whether You’re Alone, Dating, Or With A Partner.

Remarks Free Cover-Pages Wrapping
ISBN 9780063073715
Book Condition LIKE NEW
Format PAPERBACK
Publisher HarperCollins
Publication Date 12 Jan 2021
Pages 256
Weight 0.38 kg
Dimension 21 × 14 × 2 cm
Availability: Out of stock

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The author of “I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck”, The Angry Therapist, now teaches you how to prioritize your relationship with yourself and live a more meaningful life, whether you’re alone, dating, or with a partner. In Fact, Kim uses his own failed relationships as lessons in this laugh-out-loud guide to single life.
 
No one really wants to “date themselves.” But all of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose. After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled.
 
There’s a difference between the feeling of loneliness and “I am lonely.” One is an experience, a feeling that comes and goes. The other is an identity, tightly tied to your sense of worth. Instead of just being aware of the feeling, you have attached added meaning to it.
 
You are lonely. Because you feel lonely, you believe there is something wrong with you. You’re too old or too fat or whatever. But it’s not your fault. That knot has been tied by society. Whether you know it or not, you have been programmed.


There’s more to life than loving someone. But being single can feel like a death sentence. Why does being alone = being lonely? And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship? After a painful divorce, “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself, going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled.
 
Kim writes of how he frequently catches himself making many of the same mistakes that he talks through with his clients each week. After losing himself in one serious relationship after another and coming to the realization that “relationship dysfunction feels like crack cocaine,” Kim decides to attempt to happiness on his own.
 
For John, it took donuts, barbells, and a motorcycle. For the thousands of clients he’s helped as the Angry Therapist, it was yoga, or salsa dancing, or finally speaking their truth. In Single. On Purpose., John takes his signature “self-help in a shot glass” approach and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.
 
According to Kim, being happy—single or not—begins with three daily goals:
◆ meaning (finding purpose by pursuing one’s passion),
◆ joy (allowing oneself simple pleasures, such as a morning coffee),
◆ and engagement (turning one’s attention to others).
 
Instead of pursuing perfect, Kim asks readers to question one’s thoughts, list non-negotiables, and find what makes one feel most alive. (For Kim, it’s riding a motorcycle.) After all, “self-care doesn’t mean bubble baths and fancy brunches. It really means taking care of yourself daily like you would for someone you love.” Kim’s wry humor and approachable lessons will appeal to any single reader looking for encouragement.
 
Kim has gone on to help thousands of clients find their own unique way to break free of expectations and finally live their truth. With Single on Purpose, Kim takes his signature no-BS “self-help in a shot glass” approach as he shares his own singlehood story and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.
 
Spending time to cultivate your relationship with yourself shouldn’t be something you only do when you hit rock bottom, go through a major loss, or have a quarter-life crisis. All of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose.
 
How To Be Single On Purpose ::
There are necessary steps to declaring you are single. The purpose is not to advertise but to promise yourself that you will be a better person because of what happened. Single isn’t just a status. Single is a choice to take your love lessons and grow.
 
☞ Step 1: Accept That Your Relationship Has Expired
Relationships are not milk. We’re talking about a human who shared their heart with you. But this is more about a reframe, a mindset shift, a different way of looking at it to help you accept that the relationship is over and let go of it.

One of the hardest things about a breakup is wondering if it could have been different. What if I did this? What if she was more like that? What if. . . . What if. . . . The what-ifs keep us holding on, feeling like shit. We play back the highlight reel instead of the whole documentary. We drown in our emotions, questioning whether we made the right decision or could have done more. All these thoughts keep us stuck.

Your relationship has expired. It was not meant to last one day more or less. It has run its course. Not because of you or your partner, but for a different reason: your relationship hit its expiration date. You have to believe that.
 
☞ Step 2: Cut the Cord
There’s no way around this one. You must unfriend, unfollow, and unsubscribe. Stop texting and calling. Resist the urge to leave voicemail. You have to let go. Maybe not forever. Maybe the two of you can be friends one day. But that won’t come unless you give yourself space now. If you don’t, you’re just peeling scabs. You’re holding two hostages: your ex, and you. Respect the relationship and what you had by respecting the expiration. Draw firm boundaries.

But what if you have a kid together? You communicate. You get on the same page and establish healthy boundaries as best you can. It may get ugly. When we are hijacked by emotions, we may use our children as chess pieces. Even unintentionally. Our emotions are the elephant, our logic is the little rider on top, and the elephant is going to go where it’s going to go. But it’s critical that you set some kind of boundaries or healing won’t happen.
 
☞ Step 3: Take Ownership
Most of us lay blame. We point our fingers and are quick to spell out everything our ex did wrong. This becomes a broken record that sinks us deeper. By blaming your ex, you are putting yourself in victim mode, as though you were powerless over what happened. And yes, many of us have been victims. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, physical or emotional, you have been victimized. Something has been taken from you. Self-esteem, voice, a sense of worth. And that wasn’t your fault.

For many relationships, though, what happened is not so black-and-white. Sure, your partner was shitty sometimes, but were you perfect? Instead of feeling the pain of an expired relationship—and don’t forget, a relationship always involves two people—it’s easier to demonize your ex. This might feel good, but by ignoring your own role, you’re setting yourself up for a repeat performance.
 
☞ Step 4: Focus on You
When a relationship expires, we want to jump into something else as fast as we can. We search for our next ride right after getting off the last one, without giving ourselves any time to really process what happened and how we feel about it. Obviously, it’s uncomfortable to be alone, and we want an easy fix. But love is not an amusement park. If you just keep jumping from one ride to the next, you will only repeat patterns. Nothing will change. The soil for growth is so rich when you’re single. But only if you are focusing on you. Not on finding someone else.

Working on your relationship with yourself isn’t just about doing things alone. It’s about being alone. On purpose. Sitting with everything that comes up, however uncomfortable. Finally breaking the patterns you fall into to cope and numb when you are alone by noticing what comes up and why. This is the inner work. The hard work. This is what focusing on you looks like. As you do this work, you also practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Accept your story, let go of what you need to let go of, and start leaning into your evolution.
 
☞ Step 5: What Are Your New Non-Negotiables?
There’s a difference between non-negotiables and preferences. Telling yourself you will date only men who are six-two, make six figures, and drive a vintage Porsche are not non-negotiables. That’s called being picky. Non-negotiables are new standards you’ve created for yourself that line up with your new story. They form the container that houses and grows your sense of self-worth.

Your non-negotiables don’t all have to be big things. Needing to be able to have great banter with the other person can be a non-negotiable. They can be based on common interests and values. Maybe you will no longer tolerate being with someone who plays video games all day.
 
☞ Step 6: Smash the Clock
There is no fixed time it takes for you to “get over” someone. There is no formula, no secret steps. And just because you got over someone in three months last time doesn’t mean it will take just as long this time.

Every relationship is different. They make imprints on us that vary in depth. Who you are or were in that relationship is different now. There are too many factors involved to be able to judge or compare your expired relationships this way. It’s going to take as long as it’s supposed to take to heal and move through.
 
“Single on Purpose” is for people who have never been involved, people who have jumped from partner to partner, and those who have lost themselves in their current relationship—anyone who needs to learn that there’s more to life than who we choose to love.
 
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About the Author :
John Kim blogs as The Angry Therapist. He practices complete authenticity and transparency with his many clients, frowned upon in the clinical world, and continues to look for new and unconventional ways to help people. He created the Catalyst Life Coaching Course, an online life coaching certification program, and recently John started a new platform called SHFT, an app that gives people support in their pocket when they need it and the chance to become a life coach themselves. John Kim lives in Los Angeles where he makes videos on his phone, CrossFits, and rides his motorcycle to coffee shops to do sessions.

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