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No One Understands You and What to Do About It – Heidi Grant Halvorson
No One Understands You and What to Do About It – Heidi Grant Halvorson
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No One Understands You and What to Do About It – Heidi Grant Halvorson
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No One Understands You and What to Do About It – Heidi Grant Halvorson
oznorCO
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No One Understands You and What to Do About It – Heidi Grant Halvorson
oznorCO
oznorCO

(HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW) NO ONE UNDERSTANDS YOU AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Heidi Grant Halvorson
LIKE NEW, PAPERBACK
Heidi Grant Halvorson
LIKE NEW, PAPERBACK

RM18.00

How To Deal With Others’ Personalities & How To React & How Not To React To Minimize Misunderstanding And Conflict

ISBN 9781625274120
Book Condition LIKE NEW
Format PAPERBACK
Publisher Harvard Business Review Press
Publication Date 29/04/2015
Pages 224
Weight 0.50 kg
Dimension 21 × 15 × 1.6 cm
Availability: 2 in stock

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Have you ever felt you’re not getting through to the person you’re talking to, or not coming across the way you intend?
 
You’re not alone.
 
That’s the bad news. But there is something we can do about it.
 
How others perceive us often differs dramatically from how we think we are perceived, writes social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson. She explains that emotions and facial expression aren’t all that easy to read: What looks like interest to one observer reads like boredom or frustration to another.


Heidi Grant Halvorson, social psychologist and bestselling author, explains why we’re often misunderstood and how we can fix that. Most of us assume that other people see us as we see ourselves, and that they see us as we truly are. But neither is true.
 
Our everyday interactions are colored by subtle biases that distort how others see us—and also shape our perceptions of them. You can learn to clarify the message you’re sending once you understand the lenses that shape perception:
● Trust. Are you friend or foe?
● Power. How much influence do you have over me?
● Ego. Do you make me feel insecure?
 
Based on decades of research in psychology and social science, Halvorson explains how these lenses affect our interactions—and how to manage them. Once you understand the science of perception, you’ll communicate more clearly, send the messages you intend to send, and improve your personal relationships.
 
You’ll also become a fairer and more accurate judge of others. Halvorson claims that we unconsciously ask ourselves three main questions as we size people up:

1) Can I trust this person, or might (s)he screw me over at some point?

2) Is this person more or less powerful than me?

3) Is this person a threat to my self-esteem?
 
We don’t like to admit that our sense of power and ego have such sway over how we perceive others, but Halverson makes a pretty compelling case. Unless we feel like we’re in the same close group of special individuals, then we tend to distance ourselves from anyone who could threaten our sense of self-worth in a social setting.
 
We tend to spend much more time psycho-analyzing those who are relatively more powerful than those who are less powerful. And, of course, we fall victim to stereotypes — mental shortcuts so that we don’t have to spend so much mental energy on forming a truly accurate picture of every person we meet.
 
If you think back to our ancestors’ time around the fire in the African Savanna, these unconscious biases make a lot of sense. Halvorson even offers an evidence-based action plan for repairing a damaged reputation. This book is not about making a good impression, although it will certainly help you do that.
 
It’s about coming across as you intend. It’s about the authenticity we all strive for. It was helpful in understanding how we all face huge challenges in truly seeing each other clearly. For example, human beings are naturally “cognitive misers” and will use short cuts to take in information.
 
The premise of this book also is that it will help you get others to perceive you as you really are. Fortunately, this book is not just about manipulating perceptions. It’s about how to communicate with others who are different from you, which makes it valuable reading for anyone who has family or works in an office.
 
“Others who are different from you” are defined by a number of psychological profiles that shift depending on context, but tend to be more dominant (or not) in different types of people. Are you an optimist constantly looking for new opportunities, or do you first focus on what could go wrong? When you are stressed, do you avoid others or do you actively seek out their help and emotional support?
 
Depending on which type of person you are dealing with, there are some important implications for how we communicate. In addition, our conscious and subconscious biases influence how we see and are seen.
 
Halvorson makes readers aware of those biases and how to get around them, while detailing the three lenses (trust, power and ego) that shape how others perceive us. She also identifies certain personality types, such as “the clingy, anxious perceiver” who responds best to clear and patient direction, and “the aloof, avoidant perceiver” who isn’t likely to show gratitude or appreciation.
 
Halvorson teaches readers how to deal with those personalities and, most important, how to react and how not to react to minimize misunderstanding and conflict. The author easily achieves her goal to help readers learn to communicate more effectively, renew and strengthen relationships, and come across as they intended.
 
No One Understands You and What to Do About It is a fascinating book overflowing with fresh insights and advice.
 

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Review From The Forbes :
 
The human brain likes to minimize effort, says psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson – and unfortunately, that often means other people aren’t making much of an effort to understand you. As humans, “we want to spend as much effort and energy trying to understand something as we have to, but not an ounce more,” she says.
 
“We very unconsciously rely heavily on what we expect a person to be like…stereotypes, even ones you don’t believe, can influence how you see another person.”
 
Of course, the upshot is that you might be misunderstanding other people, and they’re probably doing the same to you. As I discuss in my new book Stand Out, however, it’s essential to ensure that your ideas are really being heard, so they can have the impact they deserve.
 
Halvorson, the author of the No One Understands You and What to Do About It, shares her strategies for minimizing communication missteps and helping others see you more clearly.
 
① Show warmth, as well as competence. In order to be perceived as a likeable leader, you need to show two things: warmth and competence. “Unfortunately,” says Halvorson, “what most of us do, especially in the work context, is we work really hard to show our competence, but we forget to show warmth.

That turns out to be a really toxic combination, because if you’re competent, but not warm, that actually makes you a potent foe. It makes [others feel that] you’re someone that I need to be really careful of. Leaders make this mistake all the time, they’re so busy trying to prove that they’re competent enough to lead that they forget to signal warmth, which is really the foundation of trust.”

So how can you effectively signal warmth? Eye contact is key, she says. She also recommends “leaning forward a little bit during conversations, having a nice open body posture, and nodding when people are speaking to indicate understanding.”
 
② Remove ambiguity. Too often, we assume we’ve communicated something thoroughly and effectively – yet our colleagues still haven’t gotten the message.
 
“If you ever say to yourself, ‘I assume they know,’ they don’t,” says Halvorson. Don’t be afraid to repeat an important message multiple times, and in a multitude of ways. When in doubt, ask your colleagues and employees what they’ve heard you say, and make sure it’s accurate. “Take the ambiguity out of it and make it very clear that you are an ally, and a powerful one. Then you inspire tremendous trust and tremendous loyalty, and the upside of that is really incredible.”
 
③ Make others feel they’re on your team. It’s easy for people to resent someone who seems successful. They may tag you as overly ambitious, or a climber, or an arrogant egotist.
You can avoid that fate, says Halvorson, if you “try to create commonalities with those people and make it very explicit…
 
If you really wanted to get those people on your team, a good approach would be to tell a few more stories in the beginning that are about your foibles and your struggles. It is actually one of those things that I think is really bonding among people.
 
You immediately feel at ease with someone who is willing to tell you that they’ve screwed up or there’s things that they don’t do well, mistakes that they keep making – that how you came to be an expert was not this smooth, flawless journey of smiles and accolades.
 
It had many challenges in it.” Overall, she says, if you have friction with a colleague who may feel threatened by you, “really ramping up connections with that person, pointing out similarities, pointing out shared experiences, is a great way to turn you from a ‘them’ to an ‘us.’”
 
In a busy world, it’s easy to be misunderstood. But following these three strategies makes it more likely your true intentions will shine through.
 
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Table of Contents
 
Cover
 
Title Page
 
Copyright
 
Contents
 
Introduction: How They See You, How They Don’t
 
◆ Part I: Why It’s So Hard to Understand Each Other
 
1. You Are Surprisingly Hard to Understand
 
2. Your Observers Are Cognitive Misers (and So Are You)
 
3. The Two Phases of Perceiving People
 
◆ Part II: The Lenses That Shape Perception
 
4. The Trust Lens
 
5. The Power Lens
 
6. The Ego Lens
 
◆ Part III: Lenses for Particular Personalities
 
7. Eager Reward-Seekers and Vigilant Risk-Mitigators
 
8. The Clingy, Anxious Perceiver and the Aloof, Avoidant Perceiver
 
◆ Part IV: Being Seen, and Seeing Others, More Accurately
 
9. Correcting Bad Impressions and Overcoming Misunderstandings
 
Conclusion: Becoming a Better Judge of Others—and of Yourself
 
Notes
 
Acknowledgments
 
About the Author
 
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About the Authors :
 
Heidi Grant Halvorson, PhD, is a social psychologist and Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at Columbia Business School.
 
She is the author of four bestselling books, including Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, as well as a regular contributor to leading publications, including Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, WSJ.com, and Psychology Today.

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